Elvendragon's favorites, chosen by Elvendragon at Find Quotations

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx Best?
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
Groucho Marx Best?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx Best?
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx Best?
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Groucho Marx Best?
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx Best?
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx Best?
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx Best?
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx Best?
You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
Groucho Marx Best?
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx Best?
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
Groucho Marx Best?
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx Best?
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
Groucho Marx Best?
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx Best?
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx Best?
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx Best?
I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.
Groucho Marx Best?