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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.
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I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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Being a woman is of special interest to aspiring male transexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
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If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
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Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.
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Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
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Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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Favorite animal: steak.
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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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