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Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
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English is the easiest language to speak badly.
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There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.
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The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
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Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
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You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?
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To drift is to be in hell; to be in heaven is to steer.
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History, sir, will tell lies, as usual.
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Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious.
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There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.
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The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.
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A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
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Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.
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I'd like to be the person I could have been but never was.
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A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.
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Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
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There is no love sincerer than the love of food.
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Alcohol is a very necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.
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Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
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Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
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I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor.
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I never resist temptation because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
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Hell is full of musical amateurs.
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When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
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If you leave the smallest corner of your mind open for a moment, other people's opinions will rush in from all quarters.
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