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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.Best?
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Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.Best?
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.Best?
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning anf a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.Best?
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.Best?
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.Best?
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I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65 I had cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.Best?
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Is it true that you smoke eight to ten cigars a day?Best?
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Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.Best?
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.Best?
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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.Best?
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I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.Best?
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Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.Best?
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