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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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I once shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
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She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Here's to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet!
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I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
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There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
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I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
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Women should be obscene and not heard.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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