Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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  • I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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  • A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
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  • I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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  • My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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  • When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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  • My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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  • My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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  • I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
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  • Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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  • Life is just a bowl of pits.
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