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I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.Best?
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It's easy to quit drinking. I 've done it a thousand times.Best?
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.Best?
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.Best?
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.Best?
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'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.Best?
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I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.Best?
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I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.Best?
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.Best?
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.Best?
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Children should neither be seen nor heard from - ever again.Best?
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.Best?
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.Best?
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Never give a sucker an even break.Best?
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.Best?
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I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.Best?
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.Best?
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.Best?
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.Best?
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.Best?
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.Best?
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