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How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
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The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you.
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
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I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
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Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.
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Eternity is very long, especially towards the end.
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Is sex dirty? Only if you do it right.
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Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
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I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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The wicked at heart probably know something.
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
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Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's fantastic ...
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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'no'.
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The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
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If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
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I don't want to become immortal through my work, I want to become immortal through not dying.
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
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