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The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
Ann Landers
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Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing they were dead and in heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in hell.
H. L. Mencken
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Lawsuit n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Ambrose Bierce
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After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
P. J. O'Rourke
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When in doubt, duck.
Malcolm Forbes
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The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
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REQUIEM, n. A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the winds sing o'er the graves of their favorites. Sometimes, by way of providing a varied entertainment, they sing a dirge.
Ambrose Bierce
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PIG, n. An animal (_Porcus omnivorus_) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
Ambrose Bierce
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The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner in crime.
Mignon McLaughlin
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She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
Margot Asquith
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Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.
Carl Schurz
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It is only to the individual that a soul is given.
Albert Einstein
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There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
Sir Francis Bacon
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The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King Jr.
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The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.
Unknown
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A library is an arsenal of liberty.
Unknown
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If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever!
Muriel Strode
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O, it is excellent to have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant.
William Shakespeare
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Be not afraid of greatness: some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.
William Shakespeare
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If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.
Benjamin Franklin
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Always behave like a duck - keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath.
Jacob Braude
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Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity.
Louis Pasteur
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Woody Allen
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Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.
Dan Quayle
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It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.
Margaret Bonnano
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
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Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
James Thurber
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The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. Bodies never lie.
Agnes de Mille
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The feminine mystique has succeeded in burying millions of American women alive.
Betty Friedan
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...greatness sympathises with greatness, and littleness shrinks into itself.
William Hazlitt
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It was said that boys should go on their first sea voyage at the age of ten, but surely this notion was never put forth by anyone's mother. If the bay were to be raised one degree in temperature for every woman who had lost the man or child she loved at sea, the water would have boiled, throwing off steam even in the dead of winter, poaching the bluefish and herings as they swam.
Alice Hoffman
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In case you never noticed, the path you never chose has chosen you.
Jason Mraz
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Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp
Robert Browning
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A well frog knows nothing of the ocean for it is bound by its space. The Spring insect knows nothing of the Winter because it is bound to a single season.
Chuang-tzu
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Enlighten the people, generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like spirits at the dawn of day.
Thomas Jefferson
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Appraise war in terms of the fundamental factors. The first of these factors is moral influence.
Sun Tzu
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Civilization is a movement and not a condition, a voyage and not a harbor.
Arnold Toynbee
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We must uphold the promise of Roosevelt, Truman, Kennedy, Johnson, Carter, and Clinton and never allow the President and his Republican friends to threaten Social Security by putting it on the Wall Street trading block.
John Kerry
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Morality is herd instinct in the individual.
Frederich Nietzsche
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